The Second Lesson – ‘Reciprocity’

Friday, July 30th, 2010

Continuing with ‘Influencing’ and following on from our First lesson ‘Being Liked’ we advance to

Reciprocity

Reciprocity is the natural human tendency to give back what we receive. “Givers gain”, is a common catch phrase in networking circles and in many ways reciprocity is one of those principles that we can readily recognised as it’s one of the core principles of survival.

If you do something for me then I’ll do something for you

Tribal communities survive by working together and doing things for the other members of the tribe. Those who don’t contribute but just take are quickly excluded. In modern cultures we still recognise this as being important. ANY relationship we have (but certainly in business) will only work well if there is mutual benefit.

Reciprocity.

This principle applies to every human interaction we have: personally with relationships but also socially (buying rounds of drinks) and professionally by adding value to business relationships perhaps through free information, products & services or by going above & beyond when it comes to quality of service etc. If the person you’re with has received a certain amount of value from you there will be a need to reciprocate.

Within that, there is something called “Reciprocity of Concessions” which can be illustrated through one of Robert Cialdini’s personal experiences.

Robert was coming out of his university offices and he was approached by a Boy Scout who asked if he might be able to support an upcoming scouting event. Robert politely declined and began to move on.

This is where it got interesting.

The Boy Scout persisted by asking, “OK, but would you buy this chocolate so that we can help to sponsor the event”, Robert said “Yes of course” and he actually bought three dollars worth (a dollar a bar). A few yards down the road and he stopped and said to himself, “What happened there? I wasn’t able to help with the main event, I didn’t want to spend any money and I don’t like chocolate!”

Why did he end up spending money on chocolate, something that he doesn’t like?

He went back to his research assistant and they came up with Reciprocity of Concessions. If a large request, once declined, is followed up by a smaller request (the ‘seller’ concedes) the ‘buyer’ is much more likely to make similar concessions by agreeing to ‘meet half way’.

A couple of things here: There is always the chance that if the opportunity is presented well then ‘pitching big’ will be accepted. If not, then being able to concede to a lesser offer – even if it is still more than the ‘buyer’ might have initially considered – increases the probability of the fall back offer being accepted.

‘Influencing’ Being Liked Part II

Friday, July 16th, 2010

Last week we started with Smile and Physical contact. We continue in Part II with

Get them do to something FOR us.

You know when you go to a meeting or even pop along to a friend’s house, typically one of the first things that happens is that they will offer you a drink. If you want to establish, maintain, develop rapport ALWAYS accept that offer. If they don’t offer, then consider asking for a glass of water. Get them to do something for you.

The psychology is relatively simple in these terms; people do things for others if they like them. If you’re getting people to do things for you, then they will be interpreting their actions as “I must like this person because I’m doing something for them”.

The essentials of communication;

Let’s now take a look at the way in which we communicate and how we can use communication techniques in the development of Rapport. Very simply, we communicate when we’re face to face in three different ways: The Words that we use, the Tonality (the way we say those words) and our Physiology (or body language).

Words & Tonality are ‘Verbal’ communication
Physiology is ‘Non-Verbal’ communication

Verbally we should consider things like:

Words

• Grammar
• Tech. Terminology or Jargon
• Acronyms & Abreviations
• Colloquialisms
• Parrot Phrasing
• Para-phrasing

Also:

Tonality

• Speed
• Volume
• Pitch
• Clarity
• Accents
• Emphasis

Non-Verbally, (and in addition to Smile, Eye Contact & Physical Contact) it would be things like:

• Physiology
• Posture
• Relative position
• Use of gestures
• Facial Expressions
• Relaxed / tense
• Fluid / formal

We’re not going to go into all of the above now but it’s worthwhile highlighting a couple.

WORDS

Firstly, Para-phrasing – rephrasing what the other person has said but using your own words. This can be useful if it’s important to introduce to the relationship a better understanding of particular words and phrases that you might normally use to mean the same thing. Beware, if this is used too much it’s possible to alienate as the other person might feel that their ‘words’ are not valued to the same extent as yours.

Parrot phrasing is a particular technique that uses the words and sentences in exactly the same way that the person that you’re speaking with would use them. There are lots of examples where this might be absolutely appropriate. One of the best is in Sales.

A critical part of the sales process is to establish the ‘need’ with the prospect, customer or client.

For examples, as a Performance Consultant, I might go into an organisation and they say, “What we’re after is middle-management development of supervisory skills and coaching”. In the summarising their need, I might say, “If I could just establish at this stage you’re looking for supervisory management development and coaching?” This illustrates that I have heard them, understood them and am utilising their words back to them to confirm that.

In car sales, a car salesman might ask, “What sort of thing are you looking for? What are you seeking to purchase? What are your family requirements?” and the customer might respond with:

“Well actually, I’m looking for something that is comfortable and fuel efficient as I spend a lot of time on the road with an integrated phone and metallic paint”

In summing up to the potential customer the salesman would use those phrases. “You’re looking for something comfortable and fuel efficient with an integrated phone and metallic paint. The comfort & fuel efficiency is really important as you spend a lot of time on the road.” That is reflecting back the words that they use in a way that is recognisable to the potential customer.

TONALITY

The way that we speak these words is also important; tonally, how we reflect the words back to people. Different people have different ways of speaking, so the speed, the tone, the volume should all be considered.

If somebody is speaking quickly then speak more quickly; if somebody is quite loud, then up the volume; if they have a deeper, slower tone then consider speaking deeper and slower. That way they recognise something in you that they like: People like people that are like them.

However, if something doesn’t feel right – don’t do it as it could be interpreted as insincerity and this always gets noticed. The other person might become conscious of it, they may not. Either way it’s a rapport breaker.

PHYSIOLOGY

Body language: Lastly, of course, there’s the physical aspect of it. There are heaps of fabulous books that go into body language and physiological communication in brilliant detail so I won’t even attempt to go into any depth here. Suffice to say that your body language; gestures, body position, relative position and then linking back to eye contact, physical contact and smiling – all of our non-verbal communication needs to be ‘congruent’ with the verbal. If we’re saying one thing but physiologically we’re saying something else, it will be picked up and no matter how strong the verbal message is the other person won’t buy-in to it. He won’t ‘believe’ you because at some level they’re recognising that there is a mismatch in your communication.

Matching & Mirroring In terms of rapport building through the way we communicate it comes down to our ability to match the way the other person communicates and mirror back to them the way in which they communicate such that they recognise in us the fact that we communicate in the same sort of way.

The last word in Rapport Building: Our job is not to get people to like us; our task is to like them.

If you go out with an attitude that no matter what, you will like the people you interact with then they are much more likely to like you.

In essence: People like people who like them and who are like them.

Next week at andyjackson.org we go into similarity and association and maybe touch on the second lesson.

Principles of ‘Influencing’

Monday, July 12th, 2010

In a recent workshop session we concentrated on The Principles of Influencing: positive, powerful, ethical principles that are based in the psychology of influencing and as such help us to get what it is that we (both) want.Here at andyjackson.org we have been most influenced by, and our research comes from, a book called Influence: Science and Practice. We are going to cover them here in a little Mini-series if you like. So keep coming back for the next instalment.

There are a number of difference principles that we’ll talk about:

• Being liked
• Reciprocity
• Social proof and authority
• Clearly defined goal
• Processing information
• The law of inertia
• Scarcity

The First Lesson

Being liked: Part 1

The number one psychological rule in that for someone to do something for or with you they must like you and preferably trust you. If someone DOES like you, they are more likely to work with you, make a decision in your favour.

“People will do business with people that they like”.

Of course what is also worth remembering is that even when the ‘playing field’ is slightly uneven, people will (still) do business with people they like. A key aspect to being liked is having the ability to effectively develop rapport. A number of different things to consider here – tools, tips & strategies that will ensure that we get rapport quickly.

Use names: People like it when they are recognised for WHO they are and not just a number. If you are introduced to somebody, make an effort to learn their name then use it, especially in the first few sentences but without overdoing it. It imprints their name on your brain so that you remember it.

Smile: People like happy people. Negative or pessimistic attitudes are difficult to ‘like’ and if that’s you – for whatever reason – a simple smile can work wonders in helping to lift the way you feel right here and now. Try it. It’s impossible to have a genuine smile on your face and not feel good.

Eye contact: There are variances here as some people, culturally, don’t establish or maintain eye contact. In the Western world, however, it is appropriate, if not expected to make eye contact and evidence suggests between three to five seconds is about right. Blinking, slightly looking away very quickly, that all serves to break eye contact so that we’re not staring. Anything more than five seconds would normally be interpreted as being aggressive or intimate. Chances are though, you’ll know which one.

Physical contact: Typically, a handshake on greeting, but any physical contact will establish a ‘connection’. Some theories suggest that the act of entering personal space develops a certain level of trust but there’s some great research that proves the value of physical contact, even if it’s unconscious.

In New York, when telephone booths were everywhere (therefore before mobile phones) a researcher left a $20 bill in the booth. The next person to come into the telephone booth would clearly find the $20 bill and more often than not, they’d put it straight in their pocket. On exiting the telephone booth, the person would be approached by the researcher and asked, “Did you find a $20 bill in the telephone booth?” In the process of that approach, half of the subjects would be approached verbally, and half would be ‘touched’ – perhaps a simple tap them on the shoulder to get their attention. The findings were quite clear in that if there was no physical contact, if there was just “Excuse me, did you find a $20 bill in the telephone booth?” less than 50% will return the money. But if physical contact was made, around 80% returned the money.

We would love to hear your thoughts and requests.

Part II will cover: Get them do to something FOR us; The essentials of communication.

See you Friday.

‘Influencing’ Being Liked Part III

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

There are a number of elements we can consider in terms of marketing and perhaps examples that we might use to illustrate the reason why potential customers/the people we are seeking to influence might find it easy to like us.

Similarity: People like people who are like them, so in looks, the way we dress, culturally; if you look the same, act the same and there’s common ground then people are more likely to like us because we are like them! As an extension of similarity…

Interests: it’s a standard technique in terms of finding common ground: sporting, family, hobbies, interests, all of that sort of stuff is a great way of breaking the ice. Similarity is very good to be able to seek to develop rapport on those terms.

Association: People are more likely to like you and/or your product if they can associate you or your product with something or somebody that they already like. Through recommendations, referrals, testimonials from people who are in the same industry or people who they know and respect, have merit. But also…

Association with famous, well-liked people.

Sponsorship deals are all about helping the potential market to recognise a product is something ‘you’ might like by associating the product with a well-liked and or respected sports star, celebrity, entrepreneur etc. If an individual, company or organisation has a good profile, it is worth something to people who sell products & services.

Is there a way in which that can be developed through helping your potential customer to like you and/or your product by association?

Can’t think of a way? Get in touch – we can help.

We begin the Second lesson next week.

Leadership Styles

Thursday, July 1st, 2010

Leadership Styles

This week at andyjackson.org we are looking at Leadership Styles.

The most significant factors in the creation of a positive or resonant Organisational Climate is the attitude skills and ability of the leader. If the leader works in a positive way and their practices and style complement and help people to perform, that will have the most significant impact on the Organisational Climate.

There are many theories about how to categorise leadership styles and what does or does not work . Regardless of the source the ability to lead in a positive way has been highlighted.

In Daniel Goldman’s book, The New Leaders which which you can order below.

He Identifies six significant leadership styles. Four styles that produce a very positive or resonant Organisational Climate, those being Visionary, Coaching, Affiliative, Democratic. These are about working with people and getting the best out of them. -

Two styles if used predominantly in the work place can produce negative or dissonant results in the Organisational Climate those being Commanding and Pacesetting. Very much the opposite of the first four.. .

Each style as positive and negative effects, especially if any of them are used to extreme or solely in the workplace.

Let’s take a bite of each one and see how it tastes. The resonant Four.

Visionary Leader – This leader takes time to paint a picture of the future so everyone knows where they are heading, what they are aspiring to and as such creates motivation and the need in people to achieve that goal.

It is a very powerful and positive style as it gives direction. If a visionary style is solely used there is going to be a lack of support, begging the question How do we get there? People will need a little support so to complement this style we would use ‘Coaching’.

Coaching Leader – This Leader will help individuals to understand their place in the organisation and what they aspire to as individuals within the organisation ,long term and even career ambitions. It can be broken down in to task orientated coaching, What is it you want to achieve? What’s the goal? Where are we now? What could we do to achieve that goal? What are you going to do to try and achieve it? Therefore helping people to gain clarity about their own purpose within the organisation. Coaching complements visionary extremely well.

Affiliative Leader – This leader is all about making friends with people and leading through getting to know people and being part of the team; a ‘friend’ through the development of a personal connection, rather than simply the leader at the top of the pyramid. This style will mean that a leader is more likely to influence people positively. If Affiliative is used solely there may be a lack of leadership respect, and a view that as the boss is a friend he will not reprimand or demand. It’s often difficult to performance manage people where the relationship has been built on an affiliative, personal basis.

Democratic Leader – This Leader is inclusive when related to decision making. It’s about giving people the facts and getting their input so everyone is working on the same problem. This does not mean that the business should be run this way, just that getting staff opinions and input enables a leader to take the information away and make a decision that will work. It includes people, making them feel appreciated, included and motivated also that they have an influence. Although if the leader is constantly looking for advice and support, it will lead to delay and the appearance of a lack of confidence, which will leave staff with a lack of confidence in their leader and the organisation.

When all four are used in conjunction with each other they can create a really positive working environment.

The Final 2 – let’s call them the dissonant 2.

Commanding (coercive), Pacesetting, classically create a negative working environment

Commanding (coercive) Leader – This Leader will be often be the ‘tell’ orientated leader, “I will make the decisions”, DO this DO that or else, but will not be seen to do it themselves. This can create a stressful environment and we touched on the effects of that in our Are you ready? blog article. – especially if staff can see a better way of doing things and no one will take on board their thoughts or be allowed the opportunity to make a difference. That said sometimes a clear direction and authoritative stance is required. The leader may on occasion need to say “No we are doing it this way and that’s it”.

Pacesetting Leader – “Come on men follow me!” The boss does it so everyone else has to do it. This can be early starts late finishes, and no one likes those. Although this can also be positive, “I don’t expect anyone to do anything I am not prepared to do myself”.

All styles have a place when used together as a balanced set of styles and techniques but too much of one can have a detrimental effect on the Organisational Climate.

Of course we can help identify and performance develop these styles, at an individual and organisational level, to get the very best out of your leaders and your staff.

Download our at a glance pdf on the Leadership Styles by clicking here.

Order Daniel Goldmans Book.

What is Your vision?.

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

With all the changes recently and planning for the future, what is your plan? Your Vision?

With vision you know you are on the right road. With vision you know are travelling in the right direction. There may be diversions along the way, different means, routes and challenges but the destination is the same.

In business a vision of what the business is and needs to achieve, linked in with clear goals (Financial, operational, organisational, team and cultural). Will help prepare us to adapt to change when it happens as in invariably does.

Vision or imagination?

Can you imagine your future? Is it rosy?

Imagineering: a field of study aiming to energize and transform the process of value creation in organisations and society as a whole using imagination in creating value.

Albert Einstein did the vast majority of his work in his own mind, Transcribing to paper when needing a different perspective. Mass–energy equivalence commonly known by E=mc² Visualised and understood by working through models. He was a great imagineer.

So to what extent can we or do we use imagineering. If you can create your vision in your imagination you CAN create it in life.

Once you have that what do you do? How do you implement it?

We can help get in touch.

Are you ready?

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

For the future? For Change?

We have an emergency budget on the 22nd June 2010 and massive national debt. Something will have to change.

It means change in society; personally, how we spend and how we save. In Business, the way that we operate and how our customers spend and save.

Change makes people nervous but change happens all the time. How do we adapt and cope with it? Successfully adapting to change needs a vision of the future, a deep understanding of who you are, what your business culture is and what you are seeking to achieve long-term. What does change do to you?

In some it can excite and motivate to adapt in others it can be stressful. This feeling of stress can affect an organisation especially if that person is a leader as they directly affect their team or department, even the whole organisation!

“The way people feel about working for a company can account for up to 30% of business performance”. The Hay Group

So this means that people can have a negative impact as they just don’t feel good about the company. Stress can mean that staff will not focus on what works.

Organisational Climate: is a set of properties of the work environment, perceived directly or indirectly by employees.

Organisational Climate can be measured in different ways. Try this questionnaire click here to download.

Let us know the results and we can help.

Top Banana!

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

Well, what a week!  Things seem to have ‘exploded’ in the Andy Jackson world.  Sooo many developments … soooo many ideas it’s absolutely mind-blowing.  But hold on lets go back a bit and fill in some gaps.

When I first started blogging I didn’t really know what it is that I was supposed to be doing but I wrote some stuff and Lucie (a multi-faceted, multi-tasking, worth-her-weight-in-diamonds wonder woman) made it readable (I think).  I started reading other blogs and getting advice from ‘those who know’ and now I think it’s all a bit too simple really.  Is it?  Or is the simple bit Me?

These weekly missives are going to be ‘Me’ talking about ‘stuff’ that I’ve experienced; progress we’ve made and people I’ve met along the way and I think this week will be extraordinarily hard to beat!

Last Tuesday we (the Team and I) sat down and planned out the business & development strategy for the coming 4 months  Big push essentially: Regular twittering (@performacejack) & facebook activity supported by a new website (www.andyjackson.org) – launching at the end of this month.

But the real breakthrough for me came when I went to a marketing event in London hosted by Kerwin Rae a marketing entrepreneur from Oz who just blew me away.  His blend of personal performance philosophies with hard marketing strategies has helped even the wealthiest and most successful business people to define & refine their marketing, resulting in extraordinary leaps in success, achievement and growth.  I have to recommend you go along to one of his seminars, they’re FREE in the UK (at the moment) and although it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to work out he’ll try to sell ‘opportunities’ to invest in more substantial programmes, the day is worth it, just to see the K-Man in action.

Kerwin Rae get’s this week recognition as Top Performer

I went along with a range of very specific goals but came away with absolute certainty that this year is going to be the start of something very special.  If you’re interested in coming along for the ride, keep in touch.

Training Groups in 2010

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

2009 saw the start of the our training groups – an opportunity for people to come together in order to develop personally and professionally through the medium of facilitated learning, shared experience and mutual growth. It has been an extraordinary year!

For 2010 the concept has been refined; retaining flexibility but within a more recognizable structure. We will continue to address those subjects and issues that are important to the group and each session can be supported by a goal-focused coaching session for those who want it. However, the monthly sessions will now follow a 4-month cycle with the first three months covering agreed topics with the fourth being used to review the learning from sessions 1-3 and complemented by action learning sets (please see below).

Never cast in stone, the subjects will be agreed by the group prior to each phase but in the absence of anything definitive at this stage, we would suggest the following schedule:

• Principles of Performance
• Knowing What You Want
• High Performance Relationships
• Review and Action Learning Sets*
• Persistence
• The Feel-Good Factor
• If You Think You Can – If You Think You Can’t … You’re Right
• Review and Action Learning Sets
• Effective Communication
• Getting What You Want
• Powerful Presenting
• Review and Action Sets

* So what are Action Learning sets well…

Action Learning Sets are a simple yet powerful tool for personal and professional development. They provide the opportunity to work on real problems and implement solutions – learning by doing. It’s a really powerful way for ‘people’ to learn from ‘people’.

What they give us is:

• Space for individual reflective learning
• Learning to take back to the workplace and translate into action
• Support and challenge from peers
• The chance to work smarter and find creative ways to bring about change
• A chance to test beliefs and assumptions and learn what works
• A safe environment to explore new ways of thinking and doing
• Personal, as well as professional, learning and development
• Insight into how others achieve different solutions
• A chance to progress new opportunities and develop new ideas

………..understand yourself.

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

…understand yourself!  Then, and only then, can we manage ourselves effectively through constant, consistent and persistent application of focused effort towards the achievement of worthy goals.  If goal achievement is dependent on working with others then being aware of what drives others (Social Awareness) enables a much greater ability to develop high performance relationships and manage them to the benefit of all.

In organisational terms, if Leaders have a clear understanding of the company: the vision for the future, what success looks (and feels) like, the specific goals that drive action etc, the subsequent identification of resources is relatively easy.  I will admit that actually securing the necessary resources might be more of a challenge especially in the current climate, however, taking time to consider the company’s most important resource, the people you have, working with them to align individual needs and preferences with organisational goals is time and effort never wasted.

So, can you give honest and complete answers to the above questions?