Principles of ‘Influencing’
In a recent workshop session we concentrated on The Principles of Influencing: positive, powerful, ethical principles that are based in the psychology of influencing and as such help us to get what it is that we (both) want.Here at andyjackson.org we have been most influenced by, and our research comes from, a book called Influence: Science and Practice
There are a number of difference principles that we’ll talk about:
- Being liked
- Reciprocity
- Social proof and authority
- Clearly defined goal
- Processing information
- The law of inertia
- Scarcity
The First Lesson
Being liked: Part 1
The number one psychological rule in that for someone to do something for or with you they must like you and preferably trust you. If someone DOES like you, they are more likely to work with you, make a decision in your favour.
“People will do business with people that they like”.
Of course what is also worth remembering is that even when the ‘playing field’ is slightly uneven, people will (still) do business with people they like. A key aspect to being liked is having the ability to effectively develop rapport. A number of different things to consider here – tools, tips & strategies that will ensure that we get rapport quickly.
Use names: People like it when they are recognised for WHO they are and not just a number. If you are introduced to somebody, make an effort to learn their name then use it, especially in the first few sentences but without overdoing it. It imprints their name on your brain so that you remember it.
Smile: People like happy people. Negative or pessimistic attitudes are difficult to ‘like’ and if that’s you – for whatever reason – a simple smile can work wonders in helping to lift the way you feel right here and now. Try it. It’s impossible to have a genuine smile on your face and not feel good.
Eye contact: There are variances here as some people, culturally, don’t establish or maintain eye contact. In the Western world, however, it is appropriate, if not expected to make eye contact and evidence suggests between three to five seconds is about right. Blinking, slightly looking away very quickly, that all serves to break eye contact so that we’re not staring. Anything more than five seconds would normally be interpreted as being aggressive or intimate. Chances are though, you’ll know which one.
Physical contact: Typically, a handshake on greeting, but any physical contact will establish a ‘connection’. Some theories suggest that the act of entering personal space develops a certain level of trust but there’s some great research that proves the value of physical contact, even if it’s unconscious.
In New York, when telephone booths were everywhere (therefore before mobile phones) a researcher left a $20 bill in the booth. The next person to come into the telephone booth would clearly find the $20 bill and more often than not, they’d put it straight in their pocket. On exiting the telephone booth, the person would be approached by the researcher and asked, “Did you find a $20 bill in the telephone booth?” In the process of that approach, half of the subjects would be approached verbally, and half would be ‘touched’ – perhaps a simple tap them on the shoulder to get their attention. The findings were quite clear in that if there was no physical contact, if there was just “Excuse me, did you find a $20 bill in the telephone booth?” less than 50% will return the money. But if physical contact was made, around 80% returned the money.
We would love to hear your thoughts and requests.
Part II will cover: Get them do to something FOR us; The essentials of communication.
See you Friday.
research comes from a book called “Influence” by Robert Cialdini
